WIFE HACK: The Lazy Wife’s Guide to Blowing Your Husband’s Mind

Hit play below before reading and feel the wind blow through your hair.

I was pretty damn pregnant in 2013-2014. And as luck would have it, AnonyMister’s birthday fell around month 7 of the puke-a-thon that was my first pregnancy. On top of being naturally lazy, the whole making-a-human thing was zapping me of all (1) creativity, (2) energy and (3) will to live.

Needless to say, I wasn’t about to be the hippo shot with a tranq gun at the mall by Chris Christie, either.

So I used my mindgrapes to come up with a 1-hour gift. The result? Giving AnonyMister what he loves the most:

1. Blow jobs.

2. Meat.

3. Beer.

4. More food.

5. Uninterrupted Video Game play.*

The physical gift? Right here:


This was fairly quick and easy. I simply found this handy little free menu and went to town. Then one stop to the store to meatandbeer up, and donezo. Birthday in a box.

From then on, I was not required to remove my sweats and only truly had to get off the couch 3 times that day. I counted it as my cardio.
Wonderful AnonyMister saw this as “pretty fucking cool”. In other words creativity can be disguised as “hard work”. Huzzah.

*This step is much harder than it seems.

Rumored to have spawned from a Manticore and a Chupacabra, AnonyMissus remained a myth in Central American countries from the 1600s to present day. She is mom to AnonyMunch. Wife to AnonyMister.
Professional marketer. Badass MC. She holds a B.S. in Finance and Marketing.

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