Did you know pressing play on the music below causes an increase in endorphins? Try it.
On the latest Trader Joe’s run, I noticed my cashier drinking a giant clear barrel of water. After reading that it was “Alkaline Water + Electrolytes” I asked what the health benefits were.
The answer? “I duhno. It just tastes good.”
And so my interest was piqued. After all, I live in a prison of my own guilt. Having recently had gallbladder surgery that has left me running to the bathroom after seeing a cheese commercial, and pumping 4 times a day, I am currently as hydrated as this fossil. (I smell about the same.)
Most of the water I drink used to be grapes or had a bunch of coffee beans steeping in it for a while.
Here’s the Skinny on the Alkaline Water Argument:
1. It “Detoxifies”: Acidity accumulated by “normal living” (consumption of toxic everything) is considered waste in the body. Drinking Alkaline water can nuetralize said toxic waste and wash acid waste from cells and tissues.
2. Alkaline water is more easily absorbed, thus it is superbadass hydration.
3. Alkaline water is an antioxidant. It has the ability to give up electrons & can effectively neutralize and block free-radical damage to the body. Ionized alkaline water seeks out free radicals and converts them into oxygen which your body can use for energy production and tissue oxygenation. Cancer and most other illnesses cannot survive in an oxygenated, alkaline environment.
4. Alkaline improves your pH, which tends to be too acidic. Less acidity, more alkaline. More alkaline, less cancer. Basically.
Here the Skinny on Why People Think Alkaline Water is Bullshit:
1. A pH higher or lower than 7.4 aint a good thang.It’s hard to change this and if you do, your kidneys would surely be affected. In fact, people with high urine pHs are told that this is a sign of kidney failure.
2. The kidneys correct your body’s acidity for any deviations by holding onto or discarding positive and negative ions too correct your shit. If it didn’t you would know it. See point 1 about.
In other words, it doesn’t really “work”.
The AnonyMissus take?
Ahem: Who gives a shit. Water that tastes like water I want to drink (SPOILER!) is water I’m going to drink. If I can slam down 50 ounces a day without drinking 300 mL of red dye #40, placebo or not, that shit is happening. Have you ever seen someone who drinks 50 ounces of water a day? If not, here they are:
In other words: if Alkaline Water it tastes good, drink it. Just don’t talk to me while I’m at Whole Foods about how it cured your shingles. Cuz (1) eww, wtf and (2) AnonyMissus be crispy, but not naive.
AnonyMissus, out. *DROPS MIC*